Queer Gnosis

by Troy Williams

Last week my roommate came bursting through the front door, “What is it with gay men hung up on Mormonism!?”  Ah.  I could only assume the obvious.  He was experiencing the frustration of dating a guy still trying to reconcile his faith and sexuality.  “I think its fear,” he continued.   “That and privilege” I responded. “Mormon men have been told since childhood that they are the elect of the earth.   Coming out as a big nelly fag stripped them of their divine birthright. The trauma is just now sinking in.”  Yup.  As Mormon men we were once the first of the first class citizens – but now, suddenly, through a quirk of desire, we have been stripped of our chosen status. Saturday’s Warriors have become Friday Night Infidels.

Gay LDS men have a seemingly more difficult time getting over the Church than gay Mormon women. Within their theology and culture, women have always played a subservient role in both Church and household.  The stigma associated with being a lesbian isn’t so different from being ranked below a man in all other sectors of society.

This point came home after I read an interview with the African-American author James Baldwin. Richard Goldstein from the Village Voice asked Baldwin why white men seemed more outraged over homophobia than black men. Baldwin responded, “[As a white gay] you’re placed outside a certain safety to which you think you were born.  A black gay person is already menaced and marked because he or she is black…  I think white gay people feel cheated because they were born into a society where they were supposed to feel safe… Their reaction seems to me in direct proportion to the sense of being cheated of the advantages that accrue to white people in society.” (Homocons; Goldstein, p. 32)

And there it is.  Mormon doctrine exalts the already inflated white male ego. It provides the illusionary belief that the creator of the Universe has chosen us, by baptism and covenant, to rule his kingdom on earth.  But tragically (for some) our homosexual inclinations knocked us off the ladder of upward celestial mobility.  And according to Mormon doctrine, if you don’t kick the gay habit, you will end up as eunuch bottoms for time and all eternity.  Imagine.  It’s no wonder that so many gay men are desperate to seek reconciliation with the Church.  It’s a hard thing to give up all that glory.

The white desire to regain social status is the driving force behind assimilation politics in the gay community.  Gay white middle and upper class men (and some women) want to access the power and privilege that they believe has always been their birthright.  And this is also the reason why so many of your dates with returned missionaries have ended in disaster.  Instead of full on embracing their deviant sexuality, they eternally pine and whine to have all their priesthood blessings restored.  They are still, fundamentally, devoted to hierarchies of power that rank some men above others.

So!  To avoid the inevitable heartache that comes with falling in love with those adorable (but wounded) RMs – here are a few suggestions for dating them.

1)    If your RM is not out to his parents, thumbs down. Living openly and honesty must be the foundation of any healthy relationship.
2)    If your RM attends Sunstone, reads D. Michael Quinn or has at least skimmed through Richard Dawkins, then thumbs up.  This is a sign that their mind is open to questioning.
3)    If your RM is “out” to his Bishop and still has a calling in his ward, then thumbs way down.  Why date someone who is willing to sustain and build up an institution dedicated to his own oppression? No one needs a self-loathing boyfriend.  Ever.
4)    If your RM is a devout feminist then thumbs way up.  He recognizes the inherent equality of all people.
5)    If your RM wants to play hymns on the piano during a first date, thumbs down.
6)    Dates to Temple Square because, “I still really like the choir”, thumbs down.
7)    Dates to Temple Square because, “I really like the Christmas lights” while you are both tripping on acid or shrooms, thumbs up.
8)    Still votes Republican because he likes the economic policies, thumbs down.
9)    If your RM is still wearing temple garments, thumbs down (for some of us, the most traumatic memory from childhood is our father walking around the house in his “g’s”.  Who knows what psychosexual trauma could occur while getting hot and heavy, ripping off his clothes and then accidentally caressing the sacred markings).  It gives new meaning to the phrase, “I will go down.”

And finally,

10)    If your RM reveals to you his secret temple name, an enthusiastic thumbs way up!  Never seriously date someone who refuses to give you his secret name.  This is the biggest indicator to know how “plugged in” your RM still is.  And understand it’s scary for him.  Some RMs quiver under the penalty of ritual disembowelment if they ever reveal these secrets (for the record, my temple name was Elijah).

Now the most important thing to remember is that everyone is evolving.  Just because someone is caught up in their religion today, doesn’t mean that life won’t liberate their thinking tomorrow.  Be patient and know that RMs can be erratic.  One day they love you, the next they want to leave you and run back to Church.  Splash!  It’s frustrating I know.  In the interim I recommend having as much gay sex with RMs as possible.  This is the best therapy you can provide.  Just be careful not to let your heart get too hung up while they are processing their telestial fate. It’s helpful to recognize that most of them are grieving the loss of their privilege and status in society.  Offer a kind word and perhaps the bold suggestion that maybe queers have been sent to earth to completely disrupt the old social order. It’s time to call these boys on a new mission.   Suggest that their next calling may be to liberate all people from false prophets and tyrant gods. That will give them purpose again.  If queers are “marked and menaced” then let’s start menacing and leaving a mark!  Let the work and the glory begin anew!