Queer Gnosis

By Troy Williams

Recently three stories have stirred up passionate debate in Utah.  The conviction of polygamist leader Warren Jeffs, the relocation of the Blue Boutique in Sugar House and the recent report identifying Utah as the most depressed state in the nation. As a formerly depressed Mormon with polygamous ancestry (and who once hooked up with an employee of the Blue Boutique), I consider myself eminently qualified to comment on all three.

At first glance, these issues may seem isolated examples of Utah eccentricities but I think upon closer examination they are interconnected in a fascinating manner.  They each reflect poorly on the way Utahans view sex and ultimately how we treat women. 

Wyeth Pharmaceuticals, the company that funded the mental health report, no doubt wants to solve Utah’s problems with their own product.  But instead I’d like to prescribe a massive statewide dose of gender equality. Flip on any talk radio or cable news show and you will hear manly men delivering misogynistic rants about Hillary the “nut-cracker”. You can almost hear the foam gnashing between their teeth. Apparently, castration anxiety still abounds in the 21st Century. Honestly boys, is your masculinity really that fragile?  How do you think your wives, sisters and daughters feel when they hear you disparage successful women?  Get over yourself.  Men need to step aside so that women can share political, economic and ecclesiastical power. I’m no doctor, but I have hunch that if we elevate the status of women our depression rates will drop dramatically.

And back to sex. It’s extremely difficult in our culture to develop a sex-positive worldview. The moral crusaders attacking the Blue Boutique are certainly not helping.  They are actually contributing to the larger problem of repression.  Libidinal energy has to go somewhere.  If you deny your sexuality it will inevitably manifest in all kinds of strange and destructive behaviors. Married men head to parks for sex with anonymous male partners. Husbands secretly spend hours addicted to Internet porn. Religious leaders molest children. Republican lawmakers tap-dance in bathroom stalls. How the list goes on.  And too often, gay people internalize all this religious-sex nonsense and end up wallowing in personal self-loathing racked by guilt and shame. Denying our sexuality by practicing celibacy or resisting our authentic desires is harmful to our mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.  Think Judi Dench in Notes on a Stranger.  That’s the kind of crazy that overcomes somebody when they don’t have healthy sexual relationships.

And why are people still looking to patriarchal religion to determine sexual mores anyway? People are rightly outraged that Warren Jeffs sealed a teenage girl to an older man.  Where would he get such an idea?  Try Joseph Smith.  In Doctrine and Covenants section 132 Joseph is commanded to take multiple wives.  Okay.  I myself am the product of Mormon polygamy so I’m sympathetic – to a point.  Until verse 54 when Jesus tells Emma Smith that if she doesn’t comply, “she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord.” 

Destroyed?  Are you kidding me? Why would Jesus kill a woman for exercising her free agency?   Sounds Talibanesqe to me. Warren Jeff’s problem is that he believes this stuff literally (as do many members of the Utah Legislature). Have you ever talked to an LDS woman about gender and polygamy?  You can almost hear their synapses misfire as they struggle to defend why their god wants them to be subservient to men. There is so much pain in their words.  And yet they remain obedient. Kind of like an abused wife who defends the actions of her violent husband.   Any religion that worships a god who threatens violence against women does not have the right to dictate sexual morality to me or to the world. Period.

So for those of you gay Saints who are still struggling with your relationship with the Church – please, for your own sanity and for the sanity of the people you date — get over it!  The Mormon Jesus is a homicidal misogynist who doesn’t deserve your worship, your fear or your obedience (same goes for you gay Catholics, Christians, Muslims et al). If you still need a god, I highly recommend any from the Pagan pantheon.  There are several to choose from, with a variety of genders.   And they actually encourage sex!  So have at it. 

Our whole society needs to foster mature attitudes toward sexuality. Humans are hardwired to be together.  Our mental health and happiness depends on making positive sexual connections.  It’s the same for people who are married, single, divorced, gay or straight. Nobody can escape this basic human need. It’s who we are.  So how then do we contribute to the mental health of our state?  I believe the first step is challenging patriarchy and championing gender equality.  All of you gay boys — speak out for the ladies!  Defend them, love them and be their best allies. And take a smart, optimistic, sex-positive attitude about life.  Be responsible.  Be safe. Make genuine connections with your lovers. Have pornstar sex.  I believe these are the essential first steps in healing our statewide melancholy.

And if by chance you are still feeling depressed — don’t despair. Get yourself over to the Blue Boutique and enjoy yourselves!  And that goes for all you sister wives too!