Queer Gnosis

By Troy Williams

Confession. A few
years back I devoured a lot of
self-help books. My life was messy at
the time and well, I was desperate. Most of the books were banal and silly, but one author actually had a
positive impact — Byron Katie. Her
book, Loving What Is invited me to
take serious responsibility for my life. We spoke recently on KRCL’s RadioActive.

Troy Williams:
Three years ago I was absolutely depressed. I was experiencing a lot of anger and I felt like the universe was
conspiring to make my life miserable. But eventually I found myself with a whole new turnover of friends and
they were all reading Loving What Is. And when everybody around you in reading
Byron Katie, you can’t get away with self-pity and being a victim! They start doing the Work on you, and before
you know it you’re back on your feet!

Byron Katie: Oh
Troy, I would love that everyone had friends like you do.

TW: Yeah, I had
this obsessive unrequited crush on a boy that was driving me crazy and my
roommate pulled out her Byron Katie worksheets and started me off on the
questions and then soon I’d be off to new crushes and doing fine.

BK: Without the
pain. And you are clear enough to see it – just loving what is.

TW: Yup. True. Take us back to your own experience and how you discovered The
Work.

BK: I was
clinically depressed for over a decade. It’s been referred to as the dark night of soul — well this was the
dark decade of the soul! I thought the only way out of this suffering
was to die. I was very suicidal. Then one morning as I lay sleeping on the
floor, I opened my eyes and in place of the darkness was a joy I cannot
describe. I began to laugh because I
could see that not one thought I was experiencing was true.  The important thing that came out of that –
the thing that I want to pass on — is that when I believed my thoughts I
suffered. When I didn’t believe them I
didn’t suffer. I’ve come to see that
this is true for every human being. What I bring to the world is the simplest way to identify and question
the thoughts that cause our suffering. It’s four questions and a
turnaround.

TW: The primary
cause of human suffering on the planet is believing stories, thoughts or ideas
about ourselves that aren’t true. Am I
hearing you right?

BK: Totally. Absolutely. That’s it. What is running through our heads? That is heaven or hell.

TW: So if someone
is being tormented by thoughts, and god knows I’ve been tormented by mine –

BK: It’s the only
thing that has ever tormented anyone.

TW: Exactly. And
sometimes we get obsessive and our thoughts loop like a skip in a record, and
you can’t get free of those ideas that are eating away at your brain! So then,
what are the four questions?

BK: Okay. First, what is a universal stressful
thought?

TW: I need to
have a boyfriend to be fulfilled.

BK:
Excellent. You have the belief you need
a partner. Let’s look at it. “I need a partner. I need somebody to love me.” The first question: is that true? The second question: can you absolutely know that it’s true that you need a partner? And the third question, how do you react when you believe that thought – I need a partner? What happens to your life? What happens to
your physical body in that moment? Do you become depressed? When you meet
someone do you oversell yourself or become shy and undersell yourself? How do you react? And the fourth question: Who
would you be without that thought – I need a partnert? And then just sit and be still and see what
comes to you. This work is mediation.
You sit in these questions and allow your life to unfold in front of you. And
then turn it around and find opposites. The opposite is: I don’t need a
partner. Wow. Welcome to reality. How do I know I don’t
need a partner? I don’t have one. And so we sit in that. Another turnaround
is: I have a partner. Who would that be?

TW: Me.

BK: Me. Who do we
wake up with? It’s us.

TW: So it’s a
good thing if we actually like ourselves…

BK: I have found
that the ultimate love affair is the relationship we have with our
thoughts. So this work is about loving
everything that we think.

TW: I’m reminded
of a quote from Pema Chodron, “When you make friends with yourselves, you’ll
find that the world around you becomes a much friendlier place.”

BK: It’s so true.

TW: I love your
idea that life is not happening to
you, it’s happening for you. Over and over that has been confirmed in my
life. Things that I judged as bad, in
time, I realized were wonderful and necessary.

BK: The Universe
was being kind all along and we’re finally just catching up!

TW: there is a
line from your new book, A Thousand Names
for Joy, “until you can see the enemy as your friend, your work is not
done.” That is so counter to how we
have been conditioned.

BK: We can’t
expect our leaders to end war in the world if we can’t end it in our own mind
and life.

TW: That’s so
true! I’ve been on the radio loudly
denouncing war, while I’ve had wars with my friends and my family. The irony has never escaped me.

BK: So let me end
the war in my own mind and life, and then there is the possibility that war can
be ended on the planet. How can I
expect other people to do what I’m not willing to do?

Byron Katie’s web info: www.thework.com
RadioActive airs live M-F from noon to 1pm on KRCL, 90.9 FM.
To stream the entire hour-long interview visit RadioActive
online at: www.krcl.org